


The Exorcism of Bethany Rose

by clubs14



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: 6000 year old virgins, 80's Music, Angels vs. Demons, Canon Compliant, Crack Treated Seriously, Demonic Possession, Exorcisms, F/F, First Kiss, First Time, Genderfluid Crowley (Good Omens), Holy Water, Horror Tropes, M/M, Metaphysical Sex, Original Character(s), Ouija, Teenage Drama, Wing Kink, Wings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-27
Updated: 2020-01-18
Packaged: 2021-01-04 16:35:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 14,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21200741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clubs14/pseuds/clubs14
Summary: Lucifer having lost his chance at a meaningful relationship with his son decides to see what all the fuss is about. Earth can't be that great, though anything would be better then literal Hell. Now if he could just avoid the two idiots that always seem to mess up his plans that would be great.





	1. It's all fun and games until you get possessed for real

Bethany Rose was really starting to regret the most recent thing she had agreed to do for Melanie. Ask questions to a ouija board. Her friend had claimed it would be fun and more importantly get loads of views on YouTube. The things she did over a crush truly knew no bonds. 

Melanie had started the channel a while ago and was desperately trying to get more hits. So she had made a detailed script involving her becoming possessed by a demon, ‘because no one’s ever done it before Bethany. There are loads of videos of haunted buildings and weird dark web boxes but none where the person actually gets possessed.’ 

“Hey, it’s your turn to ask it a question.” Melanie nudged her nodding to the board. The camera was facing them and both their hands trembled on the triangular piece as she spoke up. 

“What’s your name?” It wasn’t a very good question but it was all that she could think of. Not like it mattered anyway whatever name was spelled out they would stick with. Probably something like Zozo. 

Instead of the piece moving to the Z as planned it took off towards the C, Melanie eyed her suspiciously. ‘It’s not me.’ She tried to mouth, no need for the video to hear her. Melanie merely rolled her eyes before focusing back on the board and the name that was being spelled out. It moved from C to R and then O. Bethany was just starting to wonder if it would just end up being crow like that other weird movie when it kept moving to L. They both held their breath as it finally stopped moving after spelling out CROWLEY. 

Melanie looked furiously at her before whispering ‘what kind of name for a demon is that?’ Bethany just shook her head. She was beginning to feel nervous about this whole thing. If neither of them had been moving it then who was? 

“What kind of demon are you?” Melanie spoke up doing her best to sit up straighter as she looked into the camera. Just a couple more questions and then she could pretend to be possessed. 

They both turned to watch the board once more as it started to spell something out. This time the answer was SSSNAKE with the extra S’s for empathise. They shared another look before Melanie shrugged and asked the question she knew they both wanted answered. 

“What’s it like in hell?” They both nearly jumped when the piece moved much quicker than before, rapidly spelling out a question of it’s own WANT TO FIND OUT? Bethany found herself shaking her head as she tried to pull her hands away but Melanie glared at her. 

“Just one more question.” Of course what she really meant was ‘if you stop now this whole video will be pointless and we’ll have to start over.’ 

“Can you show yourself?” There it was the finale question and Bethany’s cue to flick the lights on and off. Initially the plan had sounded ridiculous but she had to admit the effect would look cool on camera. They were just about to go through with the next part of the script when a voice spoke up from behind them. 

“You summoned me here for this?” He’s tone was incredulous and they both screamed jumping up and backing towards the far wall. Melanie grabbed her hand crushing it tightly as the figure grinned from the shadows before fading away with a wave. 

“What was that?” Bethany’s voice came out shaky as she watched Melanie fall to the ground, apparently she was still going through with the original script. Either that or she had just fainted. 

Later when their nerves were less frayed they watched the video back only to find that it had shut off right before the voice had spoken to them. 

“Great, now we’ll have to film the last part all over again.” Melanie sighed. 

“You can not be serious, didn’t you see it… him. He was standing right over there. What if he comes back?” 

“Then maybe we’ll actually manage to get him on camera.” When Bethany just gaped at her she added. “Or we can just follow the script and do the last bit where I get possessed and edit it together.”

The second time around everything went as planned, that is until Bethany felt something consume her. Whoever said possessions could go as scripted lied, in this case that was Melanie.


	2. Checklists to Hell

Crowley was feeling extra antsy as he drove Aziraphale home, it had been months since the end of the world that wasn’t and he had been planning this for at least that long. (If he was being honest with himself it was much longer.) Well here he was after going through the checklist, first try to hold Aziraphale’s hand then if that works lean into him more at dinner. (It helps if you get a booth). So far he had been able to get them to casually hold hands without much fuss, Aziraphale barely batted an eye when he had first tried it. Convincing the angel to sit at a booth instead of their normal spot had proven more challenging, but he had prevailed. Now all that was left was the ride home, and judging from the soft look on Aziraphale’s face he might just have a chance at the finale part of the checklist. The goodnight kiss. 

The silence felt heavy and he couldn’t fault the angel for leaning forward and turning on the radio, though he instantly felt panicked when he realized what was playing. Instead of the familiar voice of Freddie Mercury [‘Take Me Home Tonight’](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JVj61ZX_8Cs) blasted through. He was sure his stomach was attempting to do somersaults as he focused on the road and not at the face now turned to him. Aziraphale looked confused as the lyrics rang through the silence. 

_I get frightened in all this darkness_  
_I get nightmares I hate to sleep alone___  
_I need some company, a guardian angel___  
_To keep me warm when the cold winds blow_  


_ __ _

__

__

_ _ __ _ _

_ __ _

__

__

_I can feel you breathe  
I can feel your heart beat faster_

As the chorus started up again Crowley sank further into his seat, he was just contemplating on what to say when the song was cut off by ‘CROWLEY I KNOW WHAT YOU DID!' There was a pause and he knew Hastur was waiting for him to speak up in his defence, when he merely grumbled the voice returned. ‘I KNOW YOUR THERE CROWLEY!’ Aziraphale opened his mouth about to say something to the effect of ‘he doesn't have to take orders from you anymore;’ but Crowley shook his head. ‘CROWLEY I EXPECT TO SEE YOU IN HELL TOMORROW OR I WILL COME GET YOU MYSELF!’ 

He sighed, all the plans he had melting away. There was no way the original mood could be brought back now. Hastur really was the worst of all the demons, and not in a good way. 

“How do you think they found out about the switch?” Aziraphale asked eyes wide, this time he actually turned to look at the angel. Any trace of a blush that might have been there was long gone and he just looked worried. 

Instead of answering right away he pulled the Bentley up to the curb and shut the engine off, as if that could prevent anymore sudden messages. Why did Hell always have to get in the way? 

“I don’t know.” It sounded more hopeless to his own ears then he had intended. “I don’t think they would tell Heaven though, at least not before torturing the truth out of me. Make sure they have their story straight.” He tried to smile but it didn’t last long when he saw the look on Aziraphale’s face. “Hey, it will be fine nothing I can’t handle.” 

“Crowley, you don’t have to do what they say anymore, not after they tried to kill you.” 

“If I don’t they’ll just drag Heaven into it.” And I don’t want anything to happen to you. 

Aziraphale was quiet, the unsaid words hanging heavily between them. Crowley was about to say goodbye when the angel grabbed his hand pulling him so that he had to look at him. 

“We could just run to Alpha Centauri.” 

“Angel, we both know where long past that.” 

“I know. Be careful.” They both knew that if Aziraphale had demanded he stay, he would have listened. That of course was exactly why he didn’t. 

🦇⌛🦇⏳🦇

Crowley left for Hell the next morning, it seemed silly to drag it out. In the past he would have waited for Hastur and any number of other demons to come looking for him, now he just wanted to get it over with. 

The moment he stepped down the other demons gave him a wide berth clearly afraid of his new risen status. Well at least if this was about the switch no one else had been informed. Though the further he walked the more apprehensive he felt. Hell had always been fiery and full of people in great pain, today though everything seemed somehow lighter, like Satan himself had taken a breather. He even caught some humans that would normally be tortured mercilessly having an excited conversation and laughing of all things. This was not the Hell he remembered.

“I was looking forward to dragging you here.” Hastur called out from the shadows, already making Hell feel more normal and well hellish. “The Prince is expecting you, we know all about what you did on Your Cylinder.” When Crowley turned to give him a confused look sunglasses sliding down his nose he added. “On the intern-net.” 

Honestly what did he expect from an idiot who spent all his time underground, if anything he felt bad for actually understanding what he was trying to say. They knew about that silly trick he played on two teenagers. Now in the past that kind of thing was seen as good or well bad, because it meant that more humans became curious and started to play in the occult. Why they were mad this time was weird, though given the whole atmosphere of Hell things were just weird in general. 

He kept walking ignoring Hastur’s taunts as he rounded the corner towards Beelzebub’s unofficial office. The Prince looked more frantic then he could remember ever seeing them in the past. Running their hands through messy hair and muttering frantically under their breath. Crowley had to cough loudly in order to get their attention. 

“Oh, it’zz juzzt you.”

“Yes, sorry to disappoint, but you did summon me.” Too much of that had been happening lately. 

“Yezz, yezz. Have a zzzeat.” They gestured vaguely to the chair that had very much not been washed or reupholstered in far too many years for Crowley’s tastes. Though being offered a seat did also add to the long list of strange things now going on in Hell. 

“I’m good.” 

“Fine, thizzz will only take a minute anyway.” Beelzebub leaned on the desk eyes flashing as they looked him over closely. They were clearly working up the nerve to admit something and he saw no point in rushing them. Finally, after a couple of tense minutes they sighed and stepped back. “I’m guezzzing you already know what thizzz is about.” When he didn’t say anything they continued. “One of thozzze girls you zzzcared has been pozzzezzzed and no one has zzzzeen the Dark Lord in dayzzz.” It took a lot of willpower to not let his mouth hang open at that but he managed, barely. So that’s why Hell felt so off. Well no great loss there, expect for the girl of course. 

“You convinzzed him that earth was great and now he’zz spending time up there. Thizz is such a disazzter, now when all the humanzzz coming to Hell ask where ZZZatan is I have to lie. What kind of plazzze iz it without him? We’re juzzt a bunch of fallen angels running around and torturing people. Who are we without him? What am I zzuppozzed to do?” They were running their hands frantically through their hair again disturbing the fly in the process. Crowley wasn’t sure if they actually expected an answer or not, he gave them one anyway. 

“Maybe get out a bit, an eternity is a long time to be stuck down here.” Beelzebub glared at him once more turning from frantic to angry. 

“I’m zzooo zzick of you.” They spat out. “Your not even getting a trial thizzzz time.” They grabbed him by his collar dragging him towards the door. He couldn’t help but groan when he heard a ripping sound. Beelzebub ignored him too focused on the now diminished flames. “Letzzz zee how you like the fires of Hell!” They shoved him into the flames cackling madly. Wow they really did think he had risen then. When nothing happened their face fell and Crowley stepped out miracling the tear in his shirt in the process. 

“If that’s all you wanted to talk about then I’ll be on my way.” He grinned as he pushed past them. Just wait until he told Aziraphale, the angel would surely find it amusing though not the part about the girl. Oh well they could fix it, they did prevent Armageddon after all.


	3. The Possible End Times part 2

Aziraphale was so worried that he had made countless cups of hot cocoa and somehow misplaced all of them. Currently he was making his fifth cup, foot nervously tapping on the kitchen floor. His mind couldn’t help but supply him with new awful things that could be happening to Crowley. What if they had another bath of holy water waiting for him? Last night might have been the last chance he had at actually making sure he knew how he felt. He was certain that it had been a date, maybe it would have even ended the way human’s date’s did, with a kiss. He wasn’t sure how he felt about that. While the very idea sent a warm sensation through his body and made him unreasonably giddy, another just as loud part wrung its hands and reminded him that he was an angel. Angels weren’t supposed to be interested in such things. 

He sighed before attempting to take a sip of this particular cup of coco of course that’s when the bell at the door jingled and the newest cup was forgotten like the rest. 

He dashed for the front of the bookshop hoping to see Crowley’s face, and finding Gabriel instead. As disappointments went this was one of the more egregious ones, apparently they could only hide from Heaven and Hell for a couple short weeks.

“Oh there you are.” Gabriel beamed at him, instantly putting him on edge. He had never smiled at him like that before. Aziraphale did his best to return the smile though he was sure it didn’t even come close to Gabriel’s. 

“Gabriel, what are you doing here?” As if he didn’t already know. They definitely found out about the switch then. He gulped, imagining what that would mean for both of them. All the possible answers ended with nothing good. 

“Hey, don’t play dumb with me former Principality. Heaven knows what your plan was.” The smile was really unnerving, almost as unnerving as the hand now patting his back.

“Do they?” 

“Of course, I must say it was really inspired to trick a demon into being your friend just to get him to do it for you.” Gabriel finally stepped away pacing the room and giving disgusted looks at the stacks of books. “It’s too bad you had to fall in order to do it.” 

Aziraphale’s stomach twisted and he fought the urge to check his wings to make sure they were just as white as he remembered. He was being silly, surely Gabriel only said that because he believed the switch was real. But if that was the cause then what on earth was he talking about? 

“Anyway, you’d better get in shape if you want to stand a chance in the war.” He made sure to push a finger at Aziraphale’s stomach before stiffly walking out the door without a second glance. 

His mind froze on the word ‘war.’ Hadn’t they just escaped all that?

  


🦇⌛🦇⏳🦇

  


He ended up making his way for St. Paul’s, not to be confused with St Paul’s Cathedral that was mostly just a tourist trap these days. His wings were decidedly still white and the fact that his feet remained unburned on the consecrated floor proved Gabriel was at least wrong about his status as an angel. Hopefully he was wrong about the war too.

“Halo.” He knocked quietly on the door leading to the priests quarters. At first he had found it odd that he would sleep in his church then he had realized it wasn’t so much a choice and more about money. Government funding and public donations weren’t enough these days, you had to build mega churches and trick old people into sending you money. 

“Confession isn’t for another hour.” 

“It’s just me, Mr. Laundry.” At the sound of his voice the door opened. 

“I didn’t expect to see you today Mr. Fell. Are you here to talk about my recent blog post?” He looked excited by the prospect, Aziraphale assumed no one ever came by to discuss his blog. 

“No, actually it’s about the recent events.” He hoped desperately that he would clue into the possible war, and ensuing end times. Most priests had leapt at the chance to proclaim it to be the end, though they did that for anything ranging from the year 2012 to gay marriage. Fortunately Mr. Laundry was no exception. 

“Yes the days are dark indeed, though I must say lately things feel lighter, almost like catastrophic events were barely avoided.” He grinned imagining it before turning back to Aziraphale. “Not to worry Mr. Fell things are getting better.” 

“So you feel it too?” In reality he had no idea what the Priest was talking about, though he hoped desperately that it would relate to this potential war.

“Yes of course, Mr. Fell, I have been talking with God and he seems to be showing me that everything is okay. The darkness is fading.” Aziraphale had to bite his tongue at the pronoun choice, humans always liked to think of God as male, for whatever reason. 

“So nothing about a war then?” 

“Of course there will be a war, but light will prevail the way it always does.” Aziraphale did his best to smile while thinking frantically about Crowley.

“Thank you for your time Mr. Laundry, I’m afraid I have to cut the visit off short as I have other things to attend too.” He smiled before turning around and heading for the door. 

“Come by anytime you want. Oh and don’t fret, God told me he’s okay with gay people now. That’s actually what my blog post was about.” 

Instead of dignifying that with a response he merely smiled and said his goodbyes. He hoped desperately that Crowley would be back at the bookshop waiting for him. They needed to talk about all this.


	4. The Benedict Cumberbatch demon

Melanie had been angry with her at first, ‘I was supposed to be the one to get possessed Bethany, it was in the script.’ Then she had realized that whatever had happened in her bedroom was far more serious than not following a script. Bethany was grateful that she had at least one person that believed her, the millions of views on the video didn’t count she didn’t really know any of those people. 

Being possessed is not how it looks in the movies either, you don’t get an appetite for bugs or start walking funny, no it’s much worse. She would just black out and not remember anything that had happened, she could have done anything during those periods. That thought would be enough to scare anyone but on top of that she had started to hear a voice. He sounded like Benedict Cumberbatch which initially had been exciting, before he had started encouraging her to do awful things. It started with weird conversations about some place called Tadfield and had just gone downhill from there. He had encouraged her to listen to awful conspiracy theorists and read fifty shades of grey. She had to draw the line somewhere, unfortunately that’s when the blackouts started. Now she didn’t hear from him at all. 

Obviously she had thought of telling her parents, but she knew deep down that they wouldn’t believe her. They would assume she needed to see a therapist and leave it at that. 

“Bethany, I was thinking maybe we should try the Ouija board again. I’ve been reading stuff online and everything says you can get rid of a demon by banishing it.” 

“I don’t want to play around with the Ouija board again. Isn’t there something else we can do?” Her voice came out rough and tired. If this whole thing went on too long she was sure it would end with her death. 

“Well we need something more powerful than us to banish it.” Obviously she was right, Bethany just didn’t like the idea of inviting even more demons over. 

“Okay, but what demon would be willing to help us?” 

“Not a demon Beth, catch up. It’s always a priest in the movies. We need to find an exorcist.” 

“No way. Then my parents will catch on, besides those are just movies this is real life.” 

“I know a priest though, he won't tell anyone else either. We don’t even have to tell him it’s you right away.” She sighed leaning deeper into the plastic cafeteria chair. She wished desperately that she had a better idea. 

“Okay, but you have to promise not to tell him it’s me until we know he’s legit.” As if you could be a legit exorcist. Oh well it was worth a try, maybe they could prevent things from getting worse. After all she hadn’t killed anyone yet.

  


🦇⌛🦇⏳🦇

  
When they got closer to the church Bethany started to feel sick, stomach twisting in knots. Carefully she did her best to sit down on the curb hands clutching her sides. Melanie stopped abruptly and turned around when she noticed. 

“Beth, we have to go in if you want him to help you.” 

“I don’t think I can, my head hurts too much.” Melanie sighed grabbing her hand and pulling her up. 

“Come on I’ll help you.” She carefully wrapped an arm around her and lead her closer to the church, Bethany got a strong urge to start screaming. She settled on biting her tongue instead. ‘Your not welcome anymore’ she tried to hiss at the Cumberbatch demon. 

They reached the bottom of the steps right when a plump man with white blonde hair started to rush down the stairs. Seeing him set her off, and she was filled with a sudden urge to attack him. Her head was spinning as she lunged at him fists flailing. Melanie let out a gasp beside her letting her hand slip from around her waist. 

Just as she was about to make contact her foot slipped on the first step and she ended up falling instead. The familiar feeling of blacking out came back making her eyes fuzzy and her ears started ringing. By the time he reached out to steady her she was completely gone, being replaced by the demon once more. 

“You!” The voice that came out was decidedly not Bethany a fact that made the man back up realising her as if burned. 

“Can you help her please?” Melanie wasn’t sure why she thought he could help, but she had also never seen Beth attack anyone else in such a hostile way before. If she was possessed then surely anything that the demon didn’t like must be the answer. Even if the answer in this case was a round man dressed more like her late grandfather then anyone else she knew. 

“Yes, perhaps. But not here.” He looked worried eyes darting from one side of the street to the other. “Come with me.” Normally Melanie would never go with some strange man to an undisclosed place even if he seemed super gay. Desperate times though, her friends possession kind of was her fault after all. 

The three of them made their way down the street when another voice rang out from the church. Mr. Laundry had spotted them. 

“Melanie, are you here for confession? Your mother told me you were listening to rap music again.” Great her stupid priest spotted them. 

“No father, we were just passing by.” He ignored her walking towards them and making Bethany flail even harder in her arms. A look of horror passed over his face when he saw her. 

“I have this under control, if you could just call a taxi, I can take her to the hospital.” Father Laundry looked sceptical but pulled out a cell phone and stepped away. 

In the end the stranger took them to a dusty old bookshop the likes of which Melanie would never be caught dead in.


	5. Tea for Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Halloween!

Crowley was in a great mood when he reached the bookshop, messing with Hell always had that effect on him. Maybe he really was a lousy demon, oh well if it meant spending more time on earth with Aziraphale he would take it. 

He was just pushing the door open when someone inside let out an ear splitting screech. Not exactly the welcome he was expecting. ‘I’m so glad your still alive’ would have been nice. 

“It’s you, how did you find us?” Well apparently Aziraphale had already found the girls from the video. 

He put his hands up hoping that would at least put her more at ease as the door closed behind him. Instead of having the desired affect she jumped up grabbing her friend and dragging her with her towards the register. 

“Your not going to possess her too!” Her voice rang through the shop and Aziraphale finally reappeared from the kitchen with two cups of tea. 

“What is going on?” He eyed them both in turn, Crowley opened his mouth trying his best to explain what had happened. Unfortunately the teenage girl beat him to it.

“He’s a demon.” She looked terrified as Aziraphale handed her a cup stepping in front of her and closer to Crowley. 

“It’s okay, he’s not like the demon that attacked your friend.” He smiled at him and Crowley felt much warmer at the fond look. 

“But he attacked us, when we were filming my video.” She put the cup down carefully still clutching her friends arm. He couldn’t help but wonder if she thought they were trying to poison her. 

“Is that true Crowley?” The fondness that was just there was quickly replaced by confusion and it took all the warmth in Crowley with it. 

“No, I didn’t attack them, I just tried to scare them away from playing with Ouija boards. From the sounds of things I was too late.” He arched a brow at the two girls both of which were glaring at him. 

Aziraphale remained between them but Crowley could tell that he believed him, maybe the girls could too because they jumped up and ran for the door. 

“I’ve had enough of both of you.” A decidedly demonic voice rang out from one of them before they disappear down the street. Well that was definitely the voice of Lucifer, Crowley would recognise it anywhere. 

“So I guess you already know why Hell wanted to see to me.”

  


🦇⌛🦇⏳🦇

They ended up sipping the tea left behind and going over everything that had happened. Aziraphale hadn’t initially believed the demon to be Lucifer until Crowley clarified that he was the only one missing. Now he was far more concerned with an apparent war that Heaven was planning. They knew that without Lucifer around it was the perfect time to strike. Of course he believed Heaven would have won either way, this only solidified their victory.

“At least they don’t know about the switch.” Aziraphale sighed taking a long sip of tea. 

“I don’t suppose Gabriel told you when this war was going to happen?” 

“No of course not, he’s never been good at giving helpful information. He doesn't even like books.” He shuddered as if nothing could be more disturbing. 

“Well I guess we’re going to have to find those two girls.” It wasn’t the way he had hoped to spend his time after literal Armageddon but he also felt kind of responsible for them. 

Who would have thought Lucifer of all demons would want to pop up to earth and see what all the fuss was about. Crowley couldn’t recall a time when he had ever had any interest in earth beyond the usual corrupting souls and of course his son. Maybe being denounced by your own child was enough to send even the darkest of demons on a path of self discovery. He had to hide a laugh at that. Lucifer was the absolute worst when it came to reflecting on his own choices, most beings would have looked around at Hell and thought ‘maybe I’ve gone too far’ Lucifer was more about ‘this isn’t far enough.’ It was for this reason he felt certain that whatever was going through his horned head was both very bad for earth as well as Heaven and Hell. 

“Crowley.” His name was said so softly that he found himself leaning forward eyes darting from Aziraphale’s bright eyes to his lips. 

“Yes.” He wasn’t sure if it was a question or not, but the air felt heavy with something. 

“I’m glad your okay. I was terrified that something might have happened to you.” He reached out grasping his hand and squeezing it. Crowley leaned in closer heart racing, was this it? Instead of moving the rest of the distance Aziraphale let his hand slip away grasping his tea once more. His eyes drifted down to the table but Crowley could still see the slight blush high on his cheeks. 

“Me too, angel.” He sighed taking in the way the sun poured in from the back window and cast an ethereal glow on the back of Aziraphale’s head. It made his curls look like a halo around his head. He really was beautiful. 

“We better go find them before that ridiculous priest.” Aziraphale sighed moving back towards the kitchen. 

“What priest? Don’t tell me your still chatting it up with random priests.” 

“This one predicted the end times.” 

“They all do that.” There wasn’t much he disliked more than priests, though it made sense that the girls would seek one out. It was in all those ridiculous movies after all.


	6. Movies with Satan

Mr. Laundry or Father Laundry as his parishioners called him, had seen many strange things during his time serving the community. Today topped all of them easily. He had seen the eyes of Satan himself, and from the face of a teenage girl no less. 

Melanie's poor friend would need more help then the hospital could provide. He only hoped he wouldn't be too late to save her soul. 

Carefully he laid out everything he would need for a proper exorcism. Bible, large cross and holy water. Now all that was left to do was find her.

  


🦇⌛🦇⏳🦇

When Bethany woke from her most recent black out she was once more in Melanie’s bedroom. She tried to remember what had happened before the darkness and managed to come up with a man in front of a church. He had made the Cumberbatch demon soo angry that he had taken over more forcefully than he ever had before.

Her head was still throbbing as she tried to sit up. Where was Melanie? Did this mean she was finally going to have to tell her parents that something was wrong? They obviously didn’t have any other options if she couldn’t even get near priests without losing it, and there was no way she was touching a Ouija board again.

“You’re finally awake.” Melanie reapered in the door rushing towards her. 

“What happened after I blacked out?” 

“Well we went with that stuffy man to his dusty bookshop, I thought for sure he could help us. Instead that other demon showed up, remember that snake one from the Ouija board chat. Their friends Beth, I had to get us out of there.” She sighed collapsing dramatically next to her. 

“Now what?” 

“Well we could go back to see Father Laundry like we were originally planning.” For some reason the idea filled her with a sense of dread that hadn’t been there before. She didn’t know why only that she wanted nothing to do with any priest or religious person for that matter. Melanie seemed to understand because instead of arguing she pulled her in closer so that her head was resting on the other girls shoulder. “We could always film your next blackout.” Bethany pushed her away from her at the suggestion. Just when she thought maybe Melanie reciprocated her feelings she had to go and ruin it by saying something selfish. 

“What the hell Melanie, is that all this is to you? You just want to record everything for views?” She could feel the tears forming in her eyes as she got up and headed for the door. 

“No! Not for my stupid channel. Just so that you would know what happens while he is in control.” Her stare was intense as she added much quieter. “You could at least see what I saw today.”

  


🦇⌛🦇⏳🦇

They ended up asking Melanie’s parents if she could sleep over, which they agreed to without much of a fuss. Now all that was left to do was set up a camera in the corner, Melanie kept reminding her to act normal. They would watch stupid horror movies and eat way to much junk food just like always. Surely something would bring out the demon, she had a wide selection of horror movies after all. They started out easy with things like _The Grudge_ and _Rings_ and then worked their way to movies about possession and demons.

There was a noticeable change when they put in the classic horror film _The Exorcist_. Bethany instantly started to get more agitated playing with her hands and looking around the room sporadically as if something might jump out at her at any moment. By the time they reached the climax of the movie in which Regan was tied to the bed and the priest was throwing holy water on her and reading from the bible, Bethany was shaking so hard that Melanie couldn’t help but grasp her arm in an attempt to keep her up right. 

She ended up blacking out before the end of the movie, and Melanie grabbed her cellphone. It seemed important to have more than one angle on whatever might take place next. 

“Beth, are you there?” She tried to make her voice as calm as possible as she leaned closer to her friend. 

“Bethany is gone foolish girl.” There it was the Benedict Cumberbatch voice. No one was going to believe this she thought sadly. 

“Could you tell me your name then?” A harsh laugh ripped from her friends mouth before he answered. 

“I am the mighty Dark Lord himself, Lucifer.” Bethany stretched out her arms as if to show just how great that was. 

Melanie was definitely freaking out now, either this demon was playing a trick on her or she was talking to Satan himself. 

“Really?” 

“Yes, of course!” Melanie sighed unconvinced, this demon was definitely playing a trick on her. It probably knew that if it told her it’s real name it would give her more power or something. “I’m starting to see why my son liked living here so much.” Melanie decided that she was going to have to switch tactics, as she raised her phone higher while pulling out her rosary. It was the closest thing she had to a large metal cross. (She bought it for a costume and hadn’t used it since). 

“All right ‘Lucifer’ if that’s your real name, why are you here?” She raised the rosary up menacingly. 

“Honestly, I just wanted a break from life below.” He turned away from her watching the television instead. Clearly the rosary wasn’t working, Melanie lowered it putting it back in her pocket. Well it was worth a shot. 

“I’m sure Hell sucks, but isn’t that kinda the whole point.” Her not friend nodded before falling forward. She shut her phone off, whatever it was, was gone now. She just wished she had been able to get more information.


	7. Ms. Woodworth

They were back in the Bentley, of which Aziraphale was most definitely not clutching the door for dear life. He was of course used to the way that Crowley drove and never had images of his corporeal life flash before his eyes. 

“Stop here!” Crowley eyed him suspiciously from over his sunglasses but stopped anyway, shaking his head. 

“I thought you said this bloke was a priest.” 

“He is. He’s just not very... well off.” Crowley shook his head before walking towards the old church. “Wait!” 

“What is it angel?” 

“It’s still a church Crowley. Let me go talk to him.” The idea of him going near the sacred ground made him nervous. There was holy water inside for goodness sake. There were also the memories of the last time he had entered a church on Aziraphale’s behalf. He never said anything about the after effects, but that didn’t mean the angel wasn’t perfectly aware of just how long his feet must have remained scorched. The idea of Crowley being in pain again sent something cold down his spine. 

Crowley seemed to notice the change in his demeanour and nodded walking back towards the Bentley. When he got closer there was a softness to his sharp features, and Aziraphale once again thought about kissing him. It would surely be lovely. 

Instead of stepping too close the demon leaned against the Bentley next to him, looking nonchalant as he waved him off. “If you take too long, I’m coming in.” 

“Of course dear boy.” He couldn’t resist reaching out and touching Crowley’s cheek. While a look of surprise flashed across his face it was quickly replaced by that familiar look of adoration. It would be so easy to just lean in… 

“Mr. Fell, what are you doing here?” Apparently Mr. Laundry had picked that exact moment to come out. Aziraphale couldn’t help but eye the items in his hands with concern, especially the holy water.

“I just stopped by to give you an update on the girls.” He made sure to stand even more in front of Crowley still eyeing the bottle suspiciously. 

“Oh, Melanie’s friend? Is she at the hospital then?” Normally angels were not supposed to lie Aziraphale however made an exception this time. 

“Yes. As a matter of fact I was hoping you could give me Melanie’s parents address, I wanted to stop by and make sure they know what became of their daughter.” Mr. Laundry eyed him finally noticing the man behind him still leaning against the Bentley. 

“Who is this? You never mentioned a partner.” 

“Oh this is Crowley.” He made himself step to the side watching them shake hands. 

“I never would have imagined you to be seeing someone like this.” Mr. Laundry laughed eyeing them both in turn. 

“Yes well, people can be surprising. Anyway about that address?” 

“Of course. It’s inside.” He nodded back at the church before turning around. 

Aziraphale followed while trying to silently communicate that Crowley should stay with the car. He shook his head looking smug but remained in place. 

Inside all the lights were off giving the crucifix at the front an eerie glow. As an angel he would never admit to anyone that he could never understand humans fascination with gazing up at what was the worst moments of Jesus’ life. Obviously it was supposed to show how much he suffered for them but it just came across as a little gratuitous to him. He had been there after all and there was nothing that could really come close to the real thing. Why you would even want it too was a whole other discussion. 

“Just in here.” Mr. Laundry called him from his office, shaking him from his thoughts. 

“Thank you.” 

“Your welcome. Oh and a word of advice from a man of god.” He paused leaning in closer towards him hands outstretched. “You can do better than that man out there Mr. Fell.” 

“I doubt anyone could do better than that man outside.” He beamed taking the address in the priest’s hand. “Are you planning on stopping by the hospital to check on Melanie?” 

“Yes, just to make sure they’re both okay. I’ve never seen Melanie look so upset before.” 

“Well I’ll leave you to it then.” He turned to go only to have his hand pulled back. 

“I am serious about that man though Mr. Fell. There is something demonic about him.” Aziraphale did his best not to laugh, apparently he was better at picking up on demons then the average priest. 

“Don’t worry about me old boy, I’ve known him for a long time. I’m actually a very good influence on him.” Mr. Laundry nodded at that, expression thoughtful.

  


🦇⌛🦇⏳🦇

Once they reached the address that he had given them they started up a discussion on what to do next. It wasn’t as if the girls would trust them after earlier and Aziraphale didn’t blame them. Having two random men claiming to be able to help with a possession involving a teenager was very questionable.

“I think it’s best if we use disguises.” Crowley of course loved a good disguise. 

“What would we disguise ourselves as though? This is very different from when we tried to raise the Antichrist.” Crowley shrugged changing into a more female appearing form. 

“Do you think I can get a job as a teacher like this?” She grinned wickedly miracling her clothes to look more business like. 

“A teacher? Really Crowley.” 

“Sure why not, you can be the stuffy librarian.” She stepped out of the car laughing at his protests. 

“I don’t see why they would be more likely to let us in, just because we claim to work at the school.” 

“Just sit tight out here then, and let me do the talking.” She grinned heading for the door and knocking loudly. Aziraphale slipped into the shadows watching from what he deemed was a safe distance. 

“Hello, can I help you?” A man asked appearing on the other side of the door. 

“Yes, I’m one of your daughters new teachers, Ms. Woodworth. I talked to her about stopping by, given what’s been happening.” Crowley paused for dramatic effect and the man looked distraught. 

“What’s been happening?” 

“Oh dear me, she didn’t tell you? Well she has started skipping classes. I’m surprised the school hasn’t called to inform you.” He looked outraged as he turned around and yelled up the stairs. 

“Melanie get down here this instance!” Crowley grinned as Melanie made her way towards her irate father. 

“Your teacher here Ms. Woodworth just told me that you’ve been skipping class again.” 

“What! Of course not.” 

“Don’t lie to me young lady. If I had known I never would have let you have a sleepover.” That was the 'in' that Crowley had been waiting for. 

“I would never tell you how to parent, but it is still early.” She paused waiting to see if he would take the bait. 

“Your right.” He grinned looking Crowley up and down before turning back to his daughter. “Your grounded young lady. Now go wake up Bethany and tell her that she needs to call her mum for a ride home.” Crowley grinned reaching out and gently touching his hand to get his attention once more. 

“No need for that, I can give her a ride home.” If there was any hesitation at the suggestion it was gone with a quick miracle. 

“That’s very kind of you Ms. Woodworth.” Melanie eyed her sceptically before going back upstairs to wake her friend. 

Aziraphale had to admit that Crowley was very good at persuading people.


	8. Hell isn't all bad

Bethany went willingly enough into the Bentley proving Crowley’s disguise to be just as good as she had hoped. It wasn’t until they were back on the road that she started to get antsy, shifting around in the back seat. Crowley sped up desperately hoping they could make it to a more secluded area before anything happened. 

She ended up parking next to a forest just outside the town, it wasn’t much but certainly better than remaining too close to where more people might see. By this point, Bethany had blacked out and they both had to carefully lift her out of the back seat. Aziraphale kept anxiously pacing around once she was on the ground on top of a blanket that he had insisted they lay her on. 

“How are we going to convince him to leave the poor girl alone?” 

“Well telling him all of Hell will be destroyed unless he comes back might be a good place to start.” 

The girl started to shake and Crowley prepared herself for the familiar voice of Lucifer. To think she had gone thousands of years without having to talk to him, and now it was becoming a weekly thing. Hopefully that would all change soon. There was only so much she could tolerate after all. 

“Crawly. Why is it always you?” 

“I’ve been asking myself the same thing.” She sighed changing back into her preferred form.

“I know you're going to try and convince me to go back to Hell.” 

“Well yes.” 

“I’m sick of it down there. The two of you were right, earth is quite fun. I think I’ll stay up here longer.” Crowley sighed somehow knowing that this was where the conversation would go. At least he could feel Aziraphale right behind him, still too anxious to sit down.

“Heaven is planning to attack Hell and destroy all the demons.” Crowley turned eyeing the angel, he looked genuinely upset by the very idea. Probably the only one to give a toss about a bunch of demons. And somehow Crowley felt himself falling even harder for him, if that was possible. 

“Why do you care?.” The questioning look would have been intimidating if it wasn’t coming from a fifteen year old girl. 

“There were good times in Hell, certainly don't need to go ending it now.” Crowley eyed them both in turn knowing that even to him it sounded unconvincing. Aziraphale was digging his hands into his shoulders and while it had started out nice it was quickly becoming painful. 

“Angel, your kind of hurting me.” He looked apologetic as he pulled his hands away making Crowley regret his complaint instantly. 

“I had wondered if there was something more going on between you two.” The voice of Lucifer sighed as if exacerbated by the very notion. “Whether Heaven attacks Hell or not is up to the angels I don’t care anymore. Melanie was right when she said the whole point of Hell is that it sucks. Why would I want to go back?” 

Crowley felt like screaming very loudly. Of all the times for Lucifer to have a crisis of faith it had to be now when they were about to be wiped out, and not over 6,000 years ago when they were being thrown out of Heaven. The great bastard was always so selfish, one fight with his son and he had to hightail it to earth. 

“You useless sack of maggots, you started this whole mess. You don’t get to tap out right before the end.” He really liked using maggots as an insult because there was nothing worse than being compared to Hastur. 

Lucifer at least looked mildly startled by the manic look in his eyes. Unfortunately it didn’t last long. 

“Don’t blame me for your own falling Crawly. You should be glad I’m taking your advice and enjoying the earth you worked so hard to save.” With that he got up and pushed him hard backwards right into Aziraphale before tearing off into the forest. 

“Coward!” He screamed after the retreating form, his body was shaking with rage and he tried to scramble upward to chase after him only to have Aziraphale pull him close from behind. 

“Crowley.” When he struggled the angel only held him tighter. “Crowley stop!” At the sharp tone to his voice he stilled, finally becoming aware of just how much his body was shaking. All the fight left him in a rush and he felt Aziraphale pull him in closer so that they were flush up against each other. “Your okay.” He whispered in his ear and that was all it took for him to break. He clutched his angel for dear life planning out all the truly awful things he was going to do to Lucifer. He was going back to Hell whether he wanted to or not.


	9. Am I a Murder?

There had been a number of occasions in which Aziraphale had seen Crowley very angry and none of them were fond memories. The first time they had been out for dinner after bumping into each other in ancient greece. Crowley was in a great mood at the beginning of the night, and then another demon had showed up and he had dashed out of there yelling insults and throwing things. To this day Aziraphale had no idea who this other demon was, but they had said something to set him off. 

Then there was the time they had set up a picnic while watching some sailboats go by. They were both admittedly a bit drunk. Someone had splashed them so badly that the entire picnic had been ruined along with their clothes. Crowley had leapt up and chased after the perpetrator even turning into a snake just to scare the poor man even more. 

None of these events came close to the look of murderous rage in his golden eyes when Lucifer had taken off. Aziraphale was certain that if Crowley hadn’t been thrown into him he would have chased after the girl and used whatever means he had to pull the other demon out. He also felt certain that this would result in his favourite demons untimely demise. No, what they needed was a plan. 

“I think we're going to need to perform a proper exorcism.” Crowley turned to look at him still wrapped in his arms. Aziraphale assumed he would pull away when he was ready, and he wasn’t about to complain that it hadn’t happened yet. 

“That sure seems to be the only way to get rid of him.” Crowley huffed sinking back into him even more. The pressure sent a shiver down his spine as some very unangelic thoughts surfaced in his mind. 

“Where going to need to go get a couple things in order to do it properly though.” 

“Like all those things that priest of yours was carrying around with him.” 

“He is not my priest. But yes.” 

“All right.” Crowley moved away pulling himself up off the ground and extending a hand to him to help him up. 

“Let me just go check on her before we go.” He headed for the forest Crowley just a couple steps behind. 

They found her a little while later huddled up on the ground. Aziraphale quickly miracled a blanket and wrapped it around her making sure she was still okay. 

“Poor dear, we better get this over with as quickly as possible.”

  


🦇⌛🦇⏳🦇

Bethany ended up coming to with the first rays of sunlight, she was in the middle of the forest and her whole body felt cold even though someone had placed a blanket on her. Carefully she sat up looking around for any sign of Melanie or anyone else for that matter. Seeing nothing she got to her feet pulling the blanket tightly around her shoulders and started to make her way towards what she hoped was the edge of the forest. With her mobile phone missing she didn’t really have a choice other than to wander around and hope to find a road.

Hours slipped by while she walked in vain. Surely she must be close to the edge of the forest by now? How dense could it really be this close to London? At least she hoped she was close to London. 

Every time she tried to remember what happened after they had started watching _The Exorcist_ her mind would hit a brick wall. Melanie had probably caught whatever happened on one of her camera’s. If only she could find her. She couldn’t help but wonder if Melanie had simply left her in the woods on purpose. Or what if she had killed her while she hadn’t been in control? That always seemed to happen to the protagonist in horror movies. Her insides twisted at the idea of what might have happened and she had to sit down. 

“Please, leave me alone.” She whispered wiping tears from her eyes. She wasn’t sure how much more she could take of this. She was sooo tired. 

The silence dragged on and she fully let herself collapse to the ground. Maybe she deserved this. None of it would have happened after all if she hadn’t let Melanie talk her into playing with the Ouija board. Why did she always have to get so stupid when she liked someone? Just doing whatever they wanted because they were cute never got you anywhere. 

If she had killed someone then maybe she deserved to be lost in the forest. No one would bother looking for her, she could just drift off and this whole nightmare would finally be over. When Bethany closed her eyes, it was the first time she welcomed the darkness that followed.

  


🦇⌛🦇⏳🦇

  


Gabriel was in a great mood. For today was the day Heaven would finally claim victory over Hell, and all those disgusting demons would be destroyed once and for all. This outcome was far better than having the Antichrist and Lucifer to contend with. With both of them out of the picture it would be easy to descend on Hell and wipe them all out. Clearly that had been the Almighty’s plan all along. It would be a glorious victory and the forces of evil would be finally wiped away like the scum they were.

He was giddy with the very idea of no more demons, especially two particular demons that had caused him nothing but trouble. Maybe he would even get to be the one to throw holy water on Aziraphale and watch him finally melt into nothingness. 

“Everyone get into formation.” Yes, today was going to be a good day.


	10. The Guardian Angel

Melanie had spent the entire night trying to text Beth and had been promptly ignored, it was so hard to tell if it was because she was mad or the whole demon thing. Either way she resolved to sneak out, being grounded had never stopped her in the past, why should it stop her now? Her father would understand if he knew what was going on. 

Also there was something seriously weird about Ms. Woodworth, she felt like she knew her and at the same time couldn’t recall ever talking to her or seeing her at school. The whole thing was very unsettling.

Downstairs she could hear the voices of her dad and someone else, hopefully not Ms. Woodworth. When it turned out to just be Father Laundry she actually felt relieved, which was a new kind of weird. 

“Good morning Melanie.” The priest turned and smiled at her. She sat down on the couch next to her father already forming a plan for how to get out of the house. 

“Good morning.” She smiled looking as innocent as possible, her own father might not buy it but Father Laundry would. 

“We were just talking about your friend Bethany.” Her father sighed next to her rubbing his eyes (that never meant anything good).

Father Laundry turned towards her looking worried and Melanie felt a deep fear for what may have happened to her friend. 

“Melanie, I went to the hospital yesterday to check in on both of you and they said neither of you were ever there. Is that true?” 

“Yes, Bethany didn’t want to go to the hospital.” She could feel her father looking at her from the corner of her eye but she pushed on anyway. “Did something happen to her?” 

“No one knows where she is Melanie.” Her father placed a warm hand on her back. 

“But she went home last night, don’t her parents know where she is?” This was all her fault, she should have never let Bethany leave her site. She was the only one that knew what was really going on. 

“Her parents reported her missing this morning Mel.” Her father pulled her into his arms clearly trying to calm her down. She pushed him away jumping to her feet. 

“Well then we should go looking for her!” 

“I was just about to join the search, if your father’s okay with it then you can come with me.” Her father took one look at her distraught face and nodded. 

“You can help look for Bethany but you have to come straight home afterwards.” 

“Of course, thank you.” She made sure to hug him tightly before waving goodbye. This was good she would be able to find Bethany and then they could banish that terrible demon once and for all.

  


🦇⌛🦇⏳🦇

  
Crowley drove as fast as he could to the closest place they could get everything that was needed to properly banish a demon. It ended up being at the strange priest from the day before's church. Of course, given that he was also intent on performing an exorcism of his own there wasn’t much holy water left. Aziraphale claimed it was for the best, that was always a last resort. Crowley disagreed quiet enjoying the idea of dumping an entire bathtubs worth onto Lucifer.

When they reached the forest the sun was just starting to rise, and Crowley couldn’t help but notice that the sky looked even more gold than normal. That didn’t mean anything good for Hell. Aziraphale seemed to notice too because he grabbed all the items and pushed out of the Bentley before it had even come to a complete stop. Privately he was impressed, normally the angel had to catch his breath for at least a couple of minutes. 

“Come on, hurry up!” He eyed Crowley, who definitely hadn’t been staring thank you very much. 

“Coming.” He did his best to shake his head of any unnecessary thoughts and followed him into the forest. 

It didn’t take long for them to find her huddled in the blanket and in a deep sleep. Of course as they got closer she started to stir and they both quickly retreated to the safety of the trees.

“We need some kind of plan to subdue Lucifer or we’ll never be able to separate them.”

“Can’t you just use your holy grace, while I throw all the holy water we have at him.” It sounded like a great idea to him though judging from the look on the angel’s face he didn’t agree. 

“If you accidentally spill any on yourself then you could get hurt.” The concern on his face made Crowley deflate right away. 

“Fine you can throw the holy water on him then.” 

“You don’t think that will kill him?” 

“He’s Lucifer, it will take a lot more than that to kill him.” Crowley had no way of knowing if that was actually true or not but he definitely wanted to find out. So what if they accidentally killed him, at least the girl would be okay. 

Aziraphale looked unconvinced but made no comment as they started to follow the now awake girl through the forest. She walked for a while before falling into another deep sleep, this time Crowley felt certain she wouldn’t wake up from it. 

They nodded at each other as they both carefully stepped out of the trees, Aziraphale was holding the little bit of holy water they had and he dumped all of it onto the sleeping girl. A scream ripped from her that was definitely more demonic than human, and Crowley grinned. He did his best to imagine her floating in the air arms and legs restrained. It seemed to work but not for long given the way that Lucifer was struggling again him. His imagination may be able to allow him to drive a flaming Bentley but it would never compare with the wrath of Lucifer. As Aziraphale stepped closer he struggled even more with the loosening grip. 

Through his concentration he could see the sky starting to radiate bright light as the angels got ready to make their first attack, they were running out of time. 

Aziraphale looked up too before turning to Crowley, the look in his eyes was so full of concern that he almost lost the tentative hold he still had on the girl. He did his best to nod as he stepped back, eyes closed tightly. Once Aziraphale went full divine light there would be no saving him if he was too close. 

Through the trees there was a brilliant light and then a blood curdling scream, Crowley let the girl fall finally letting go of any imagined ability of her being able to float. Distantly he heard something tear through the trees not that far away from him.

  


🦇⌛🦇⏳🦇

  
When Bethany wakes up she can tell that the demon is gone, the angel above her is a dead give away. His wings are huge and pure white and his face is the same as the weird bookshop owner from the day before. Bethany never imagined that angels really did live among humans, but apparently they do. She can’t resist hugging him close, he feels so warm. Is this her guardian angel? She supposes that if there was a god and she was going to assign her a guardian angel it would be a very gay one. Just like her she thinks tears slipping down her cheeks. Suddenly the world doesn't seem nearly as dark as it had a mere hour ago.

  


🦇⌛🦇⏳🦇

  
Melanie was seated in the front seat of Father Laundry’s car, when the sky started to look really weird. When she tried to squint at it she could almost make out the shapes of people. That didn’t make any sense though, must be a trick of the light. Father Laundry seemed to notice where she was looking because he nodded.

“The angels are rejoicing Melanie. Do you know why?” His tone was so matter of fact that she couldn’t resist taking the bait. 

“No, why?” 

“Because Satan is right here on earth.” 

“What the hell does that mean?” She could tell he was about to call her out on her language when a bright light shone down from the forest they were approaching. 

“This is it.” He pulled over behind another black car that looked strangely familiar to Melanie. Was that the car from last night? Ms. Woodworth was here then, with Bethany. 

She took off into the woods running in front of the priest and ignoring his angry shouts. Screw him, he was weird anyway. All that mattered was that she found Beth, and maybe caught the weird light on camera. If her friend survived this then they could post everything online and get so many new subscribers. 

As she got closer, the light faded completely leaving her to guess which way to go next. Luckily she picked the right direction and ended up in a clearing.

“Bethany!” She could see an angel of all things holding her. Did that mean her friend was okay? It must if god sent an angel that had to be a good sign. 

The angel smiled at her when she got closer and she instantly recognised him as the bookshop owner. He’s smile dropped when she pointed the camera at his face. All of this was definitely going online. 

“You can’t film this.” He put his hand up to the camera and somehow made his wings disappear. 

“Too late.” She grinned only to notice the screen was dark, she tried to turn it back on and nothing happened. “What, it was recording a minute ago.” She tried to restart her phone, only to see the screen crack from the inside. Bright splotchy colours appearing through the cracks. 

What Melanie didn’t know was that demons could travel through mobile phones the same way they once travelled through landlines. This particular demon appeared next to her with a grin. 

“You!” His grin only broadened causing his sunglasses to slip down and reveal snake like eyes. Melanie screamed.


	11. Holy Water!

Mr. Laundry watched in horror as Melanie took off. His screams landed on deaf ears (that’s what listening to too much loud music would do). Shaking his head he reached into the boot of his car and pulled out his makeshift exorcist kit, before chasing after her into the forest. 

The minutes slipped by as he ran desperately trying to follow the direction the light had come from. He was just about to give up and pray for some guidance when Melanie screamed. It was so full of terror and maybe annoyance, she must have found Bethany. 

As he got closer he could make out a couple of different voices, one of them was definitely Melanie and was that Mr. Fell? 

“I can’t believe you just destroyed my phone! How am I supposed to get us home now!” 

Mr. Laundry decided that this was as good a time as any to let them know that he was here. Carefully he stepped through the trees spotting the two girls and Mr. Fell and his friend from the other day. Why in heaven's name where they in the woods? 

“What is going on?” All four of them turned to him as the shouting died down. 

“He’s a demon, and he just wrecked my mobile!” Melanie pointed a finger at the man wearing sunglasses. Mr. Laundry couldn’t help feeling vindicated at her words, he knew there was something off about him. 

“Girls get behind me.” Melanie did her best to drag Bethany over, but she pushed her away. 

“I’m not going with you, can’t you see there trying to help.” 

“Bethany, you can trust me, Father Laundry can help.” 

“No he can’t!” She pushed her away rushing back to Mr. Fell. “The real demon is somewhere in the forest.” 

Mr. Laundry eyed them all trying to decide what the next best course of action would be. In the end he decided to throw the holy water at the man in the sunglasses. He was definitely a demon, and he felt confident given Melanie’s reaction that he was helping Satan. (Which was something that all demons did). Besides if the holy water didn’t work then no harm would be done, other then some wet clothes.

  


🦇⌛🦇⏳🦇

  
As the angels descended from behind the clouds the sky changed from a deep blue to pure white. Anyone that was unfortunate enough to be looking at the sky at the time would be seeing sun spots for hours.

They landed gracefully down to earth and began their attack on Hell itself. Gabriel knew it wouldn’t take long as he watched the demons run around trying to form some kind of countermeasure that could possibly hold them back. With no leader and no Antichrist they would only last a couple hours at the most. It was an awful lot of build up for something that wouldn’t even last the length of a day. Oh well.

  


🦇⌛🦇⏳🦇

  
Aziraphale saw what was about to happen in slow motion, as the holy water flew through the air and right for Crowley’s face. He could see everything in those seconds, all the things that could have been if he had just acted sooner. He never got to kiss him for heaven's sake. Somehow that thought pushed him forward making him move quicker than he ever had before. He reached the path of the terrible water right as it was about to make contact, getting drenched in the process. Distantly he was aware that his wings were out once more in order to prevent any stray drops from landing on the demon. Such a similar act to the one all those years ago on the garden wall.

“Crowley.” He was about to reach out for him when he remembered just how soaked his hands were with holy water. He made sure to put some distance between them before miricaling it away. He’s mind was still cloudy and judging from Crowley’s face he wasn’t doing much better. 

It was only after he heard a cough that he remembered the three humans currently eyeing them with confusion. 

“Mr. Fell – ”

“We should go.” Bethany reached out pulling Melanie along with her. Mr. Laundry actually bowed to him before following the two girls. His eyes were the size of dinner plates and Aziraphale wondered if he was planning on writing another blog; this time on how angels lived right here on earth.

Aziraphale waited for the humans to disappear back into the trees before walking cautiously back towards Crowley. 

“I think we need to find Lucifer, dear.” He got a blank look in response. “Are you quite alright?” 

“Mfine.” He shook his head clearly trying to forget something. “Let’s go.”

The sky was dazzling as they started to walk and Aziraphale was sure that the angels were getting ready to attack Hell. After that he knew they would move onto earth, in their eyes everything needed to be clean and orderly. Everything had a place and everyone should know without question where that place was. It was the great plan in their eyes, and yet he felt certain it wasn’t the ineffable plan. There was something unknowable about ineffable plans, they just happened whether you wanted them to or not. It gave him peace thinking about a possible future that wasn’t predetermined. Of course none of these possible futures could happen if they didn’t find Lucifer in time. 

With that thought in mind he did something that was most definitely ineffable, he kissed Crowley.


	12. Heaven is a Place on Earth

Crowley heard something in the bushes nearby, that was most definitely not an animal and was probably based on the smell of sulphur, Lucifer himself. He was just about to tell Aziraphale that they were close when the angel grabbed his hand and pulled him into a kiss. The surprise of ‘why now?’ Wore off quite quickly as he decided that Lucifer be damned, he was going to enjoy it. I mean who really cares that the world could end when your finally being kissed by Aziraphale? 

Apparently Lucifer did. 

“What are you two idiots doing?” He was back to his old shape of giant red horned beast and he was glaring at them. Crowley at least had the decency to pull away feeling nervous at the sight of his boss. Aziraphale on the other hand started to chuckle while looking at him like he had just solved the unsolvable. 

“We just figured if your going to let the angels win we may as well enjoy the last couple moments we have left.” Crowley hoped his voice sounded more sure then he felt. He was finding it much harder to yell at Lucifer when he was back to his huge intimidating form.

“Really, Is this what staying on earth for too long does to you?” 

“Yes, isn’t it dreadful.” Aziraphale grinned up at him. 

“Well that settles it. I’m not spending anymore time up here then I have too. No wonder my son turned out so poorly. I never should have left him up here.” He sighed levelling one last terrifying glare at both of them before disappearing below the earth. 

Crowley always knew that when he finally got to kiss Aziraphale it would be amazing, he just didn’t expect it to be quite this powerful.

  


🦇⌛🦇⏳🦇

  
The battle was going so well, then Lucifer showed up in a rage. He yelled and tore at angels sending them spiralling backwards. They tried to regroup, they had after all managed to discorpurate a far number of demons. Unfortunately there was no stopping Lucifer and after a couple more attempts they had to call it a draw.

Without God making an appearance there was no way that they would win, instead they would be stuck in a stalemate. Neither side wanted that to happen. What was the fun in killing each other if no one won?

And so after a couple hours of fighting back and forth everyone gave up and went their separate ways. Clearly this wasn’t a part of the great plan, but instead just practice. Gabriel was disappointed, especially when he noticed who was missing.

  


🦇⌛🦇⏳🦇

  
After Lucifer had disappeared they could make out the sounds of the raging battle happening right below their feet.

“Well I don’t plan on joining that.” Crowley sighed pulling Aziraphale along with him. They should really get out of this awful forest and preferably back to his place. 

“How long do you think it will last? The battle I mean.” 

“I don’t know angel. I’m not worried about it, maybe they’ll all kill each other and save us all the trouble.” Aziraphale looked horrified at the thought, but he followed him back to the Bentley regardless. “You can’t honestly say you would be sad about losing Gabriel, of all angels.” Just thinking about the pompous ass made Crowley angry.

“Micheal actually.” Aziraphale said it so matter of factly that he couldn’t help but gawk. 

“She brought all that holy water to kill you!” 

Crowley knew he was grinning like a mad man as he truly enjoyed the look of righteous fury on the angels face. He couldn’t resist leaning over despite the awkward angle in the car, in order to kiss him once more. This time there were no demons around to interrupt and he couldn’t resist trying to slide his tongue in. 

He was just getting the hang of it when his stereo started up without his permission. The song ringing through was most definitely not from his collection. With a groan he moved away starting up the Bentley and driving away. Across from him Aziraphale looked thrilled, clearly enjoying a [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=05V4CgSL0lw) that he had never heard before. 

_Ooh, baby, do you know what that’s worth?  
Ooh heaven is a place on earth  
They say in heaven love comes first  
We’ll make heaven a place on earth  
Ooh heaven is a place on earth_

He probably thought it was a sign from God herself that they were on the right path, Crowley felt it was more likely that his stereo was trying to torture him. 

_When you walk into the room  
You pull me close and we start to move  
And we’re spinning with the stars above  
And you lift me up in a wave of love…._

Crowley decided he really hated the 80’s with the exception of [_Sunglasses at Night_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=56HSPQHSqEE) that song made perfect sense.


	13. Angel of The Morning

When they reached the bookshop Aziraphale got out hastily mind buzzing with all the new feelings and sensations. There was a rightness to everything and he felt certain of something he had been admittedly very uncertain of for a long time. 

That’s why it was so weird when Crowley remained in the Bentley.

“Do come in.” He grinned at Crowley admiring the way the colour rose on his cheeks. 

Obediently he got out and followed him into the shop and then up the stairs to his flat. 

“We don’t have to do anything more if you don’t want to.” He shifted from foot to foot looking anywhere but at his face. In response Aziraphale shook his head stepping closer and taking off his sunglasses. Seeing Crowley so unsure and flustered while endearing reminded him just how important it was to be direct in making sure he knew that the feelings were very much mutual. 

“I want to. Is that all right?” Truthfully, he had thought about it in the past but only with a passing interest. It was just something humans did that he could never really understand. This time though he couldn’t deny what he wanted and besides there was something poetic about revealing in love while all the other angels and demons fought. He was of course created to love, as were all of the angels. So the way he was acting was therefore far more befitting of an angel then the ones down below. 

Crowley was nodding, clearly in a similar state of contemplation. Or maybe just surprise. Aziraphale had to hold back a laugh when he remembered Crowley’s ridiculous statue of the angel and demon in a compromising position. It no doubt would match what they were about to do more than any battle ragging in Hell. 

“Why now?” His voice was rough and Aziraphale couldn’t help but notice that his hands were shaking slightly. 

“Because it feels right.” He feels proud of how sure his voice sounds, though once he’s set on something it’s always been hard to not act on it. Crowley at least seems to agree as he pulls him back into another deep kiss. 

Distantly he’s aware of pulling Crowley towards his tiny bedroom and miracling books out of the way. They feel so close. When you don’t need to breath there is far less reason for separating, a fact that they both use to their advantage. Once they are both seated on the lumpy mattress he starts running his hands down Crowley’s spine, right where his wings would be if they were visible. Crowley seems to catch on as he moves away and lets them unfurl, they have always been sleeker and more well groomed then his own. (All demons tend to be, especially ones that are so invested in aesthetics). Carefully he reaches out and strokes the long feathers watching the expression on his face change from curious to bliss. 

They stay like that for a while, Aziraphale just enjoying the feeling of the feathers between his fingers. Crowley’s face is a mask of pleasure when he pushes him away. 

“I want to touch you.” His voice is so gruff that it sends a warm tingling feeling throughout his body. Nodding with excitement he brings his own wings out shaking them and nearly knocking over a particularly large stack of books in the process. 

They meet in the middle in a flash of feathers, Aziraphale only realising that all his clothes are gone after he feels the heat of Crowley’s body against his own. The wily serpent. 

The movements are more desperate now and when their lips meet again Aziraphale can see stars. Distantly he wonders if they are the stars created by Crowley. Of course they are everything around him is centered around him. He can’t resist running his hands through the soft red hair pushing all the overwhelming feelings of love out with a hard kiss. Crowley shakes with it groaning and flapping his wings in a frenzy. Aziraphale can see the stars even clearer now as the heat surges through him. 

Just as he thinks the heat will recede with Crowley, he moves on top of him pushing him into the mattress. His own hands are shaking but he places them carefully on either side of his face. His golden eyes are gleaming and so focused on him as his body moves. The burning heat returns even faster and his whole corporeal body sings as the lust takes him over. He can taste the air and it is far sweeter than even his favourite dessert. One final look at those golden eyes and he meets his peak shaking uncontrollably, the taste of sweets on his tongue and stars shining in his eyes.

Despite not needing to breath he finds that his chest is moving up and down frantically as Crowley collapses on top of him clearly just as spent as he is. Feathers slip to the floor around them as they lay there and Aziraphale can’t help but think how very un-human that was. And it is all the better for it.

  


🦇⌛🦇⏳🦇 

Crowley was very much asleep when his mobile phone went off with a [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HTzGMEfbnAw) that he most certainly did not download as a ringtone.

_There’ll be no strings to bind your hands  
Not if my love can’t bind your heart  
And there’s no need to take a stand  
For it was I who chose to start  
I see no need to take me home  
I’m old enough to face the dawn_

The chorus started up and Crowley tried to move as gracefully as possible to make it stop. 

_Just call me angel of the morning, (angel)_

He grabbed the phone answering it angrily. No wonder Aziraphale never wanted to get one, it was just another way for work to contact you. 

“What do you want?” 

“Now, Crowley thatzzz no way to talk to your bozzz.” The mirth behind their voice made him sigh and sink into the mattress. He probably should have looked at who was calling before answering. 

“What is it your highness?” He tried to make his voice as patient as possible. Aziraphale had turned to eye him finally being woken up, from what Crowley wondered was his first time sleeping.

“I juzzzt wanted to thank you for your hard work convinzzzing hizz dark lord to come back. He killed many angelzz. He wazzz quiet angry about zzzomthing.” Crowley pinched the bridge of his nose, there was no way that he was going to be the one to tell Beelzebub why Lucifer had been angry. “Alzzzo he zzayzz not to bother coming back. You're fired!” 

“Really?” Thinking you’re fired and officially being fired are two very different things that he wanted to be very clear on. 

“Yezzz. And might I add that other then the garden stuff and convinzzzing the dark lord to come back you were a terrible demon.” 

“Hey! I did plenty of bad things, sent many souls to Hell and so forth.” Aziraphale giggled patting his leg reassuringly and mouthing the word ‘sure’. 

“Whatever, enjoy your meaninglezzz life.” They hung up. Crowley let the phone drop as he finally took in the sight of the room. Black and white feathers littered the floor along with anything else that had gotten in their way. Aziraphale was sitting up still completely naked and looking at him as if he hung the stars (which technically was true). 

“So, I got fired.” That had the angel laughing before pulling him into another searing kiss. As if being fired from Hell was a punishment when he could spend all his extra time with Aziraphale.


	14. What Happened?

Bethany found that her memories of everything that had happened began to slip away as the day went on. There was the car ride home, and her parents had been happy to see her but all she could remember before that was an angel. He had been her guardian angel, she felt sure of that. Why she had needed a guardian angel she couldn’t really recall. Though she did feel much better than she had the previous day. 

Before she could forget him completely she ran up to her room and drew a quick sketch of what he looked like. Whatever he had helped her with she felt strong enough to say no to Melanie the following day. She was done doing foolish things just because she had a crush on someone. From now on she was going to spend more time with her other friends. 

Melanie didn’t even end up taking it to hard as she purposely stopped her in the hall the following day at school. 

“Hey, can we talk? Please.” Bethany did her best to hold her resolve but the pleading look on the other girls face won her over. 

“What is it?” 

“Look I’m sorry. I can’t remember exactly what happened the last couple days but I’m sure whatever it was, was awful for you to try to keep your distance.” The words came out in a rush and the last of the resolve Bethany had disappeared.

“It’s okay. I’m not mad at you. I just want to spend more time with my other friends, besides your always busy with your channel.” Melanie stepped closer at that looking at her closely. 

“About that. The last video that was posted got over a million views. The one where the two of us were playing with a Ouija board.” 

“That’s cool Melanie.” She instantly knew where the conversation was going and she was not looking forward to it. 

“It really is! I thought maybe, if you have time, you might want to help me with a follow up video?” Her voice was so full of hope, it would have worked on her like a charm just a week ago. Now Bethany shook her head. 

“I can’t, I’m sorry.” Melanie’s face fell as she stepped farther back. 

“Right, okay. I’ll just ask one of my other friends then.” With that she spun on her heel and walked away. Apparently all it took was one no and she was gone, Bethany couldn’t help but feel disappointed. It was one thing to decide to start saying no to people and another altogether to actually go through with it.

  


🦇⌛🦇⏳🦇

  
Mr. Laundry was in a rough state for a couple days following everything that occurred in the forest. He kept feeling like he had forgotten something vital. He had even tried to remedy this by writing a couple new blog posts on Satan and how he truly lived among humans. All his warnings seemed to fall on dead ears with the exception of a few people willing to believe anything. He knew it didn’t make much sense, but he felt certain his forgotten memories had something to do with Satan, he was still seeing terrible golden snake like eyes after all. Eyes like that could only belong to one being and that was most assuredly Satan.

He had felt the urge to call Mr. Fell and make sure that he was okay. (There were vague memories of him in the woods along with that strange friend of his) Every time he had tried to call him though there had been no answer. In the end he settled on just saying a couple prayers. The good Lord would provide as he always did, even to those most likely to be tempted.

  


🦇⌛🦇⏳🦇

  
Gabriel had been planning a visit to the bookshop for awhile, he knew that the only two missing demons were Aziraphale and Crowley. The thought of what they might be up to disgusted him. Though he supposed the name of the shop was more fitting now. A. Z. Fell indeed.

“Hello.” He shouted into the shop as he pushed the door open. The bell ringing above him would never be enough to signal his presence.

When no one answered, he made his way towards the register, the plan wasn’t to discorporate only to make it very clear that he was disappointed at their lack of an appearance. Who didn’t want to be a part of the great battle? Thousands of years had been spent getting ready for it and to have it only last a couple hours was terribly disappointing. Heaven had been so close to victory and then it was taken away at the last minute by two idiots. 

“I know your both hiding in here.” He made a disgusted look at the books lining the shelves. That’s how it always starts isn’t it? You read something written by humans and then you don’t want the world to end anymore. 

“Gabriel?” Aziraphale finally appeared from the door leading into the back of the shop. He was disgusted to see that his hair was somehow even messier than normal and his buttons weren’t even done up properly. No wonder he had fallen, no self respecting angel would look like that. 

“I just wanted to convey my disappointment that you didn’t even bother showing up to the great battle. Though now that I’m looking at you again, I can see why you didn’t.” Aziraphale at least had the decency to look down at this shirt trying to straighten out the wrinkles. 

“Yes well, I’m afraid I was busy.” He grinned sheepishly noticing the buttons on his shirt.

“I’m sure. You do seem very busy right now after all.” He actually had the audacity to blush at that. Gabriel couldn’t fathom why, he had just heard about sarcasm and wasn’t sure if he had done it right. 

“If it isn’t the great prick himself.” Crowley pushed through the back door looking just as dishevelled as Aziraphale. Gabriel made a face, he knew that demons were grungy but that didn’t make the sight any less revolting. 

“I just stopped by to let you know that when the real great war takes place I will be going after both of you first.” He grinned, trying to make it as menacing as possible. “Till then, I’ll be on my way.” 

“Yes by all means run on back to Heaven you great wanker.” Crowley shouted at his back. He had always hated that demon in particular, now he would need to bath for days, the stench of that place. No more trips to earth for awhile, he needed a break from the cursed place.


End file.
